Saturday, January 01, 2011

Kid says the darndest things: 2010 edition

More hilarious stuff Hank says:

"This soap smells like bacon and Mowgli"

[In the car] Penny - "Are you doing Spider-Man hands? Or do you have a booger?"
Hank - "No Mom, this is how you Rock Out"


Henry: "Here's your bookmark, Dad"
Me: "Thanks, I didn't want it marking the place in my 1,000 word book anyway."

Zac wonders if Dr. Seuss ever envisioned my son calling Young Gerald McGrew on his cell phone to ask him how things were going at his zoo.

My son would like to be called "Buddy Sneezer" from now on. Please make a note of it.

[Hank gave Penny a necklace he made in school] Penny: "Henry, this is very pretty."
Hank: "Its not pretty. It's PRETTY AWESOME."

"Jedis don't wear bows." - Hank talking about us tying his Jedi belt.

Hank and I filled out his first Mad Libs. It is pretty awesome.
My fave: Even though the moon first appears as a LABORATORY slice of light and finally becomes a full MOON, it doesn't change its BALL. The moon looks different as the LIGHT BULB sun illuminates its different SIMON SAYS

Hank spent the evening dressed as the Fantacular Spider-Man. My guess is that "Fantacular" is what you get when you multiply Fantastic times Spectacular.

"Did you have any dreams last night?"
Hank "I had a very good dream. I dreamed that Sully and Neytiri were winning and they defeated the bad guy and the bad guy said 'Aw Man!'"

Hank had a lot of info about "Chicken Pots" today. Your temperature gets really warm and you have to stay in bed. (This makes me nervous about what is happening to other kids at his day care).

Zac: "What kind of music do you want to get at the record store?"
Hank: "Um...How about awesome music?"

"There is a dangerous smell in these Rhino Bombs." - Hank, playing superheroes in the back yard.

"Dad, I like when it is raining and we can listen to music on your iPod." - Hank

Today Hank insisted that the Hispanic-looking Lego guy push the plastic wheelbarrow. My racism radar went off and I asked "Why does *that* guy push the wheelbarrow?" and he answered "'Cause he's in charge." Shut me right up

Hank got a balloon last night and named him "Sloppy McGee"...where he got that name is a total mystery to me.

Today Hank declared he was a superhero that could turn into a pirate or an Indian or a baseball player. Good Lord I've sired a Village Person.

Hank made up a story today where Batman was the lead singer of My Morning Jacket. It was pretty cool.

Hank's Star Wars musings for the evening:
"Why'd that fat guy in the X-wing have to get blowed up?" [Porkins],
"R2D2 can't bow" [at the medal ceremony] and
"What happened to all the guys on the Death Star?" [After it exploded].

"Han and Chewie live in the Millennium Falcon, but sometimes they go to the weird bar for fun." either George Lucas or My Son

Tonight Hank asked me "Dad, if Green Lantern farts, does green light come out of his butt?" Stay tuned, True Believers!

Hank's question of the day: "Why is Wonder Woman mostly naked?"

"A basement is boring, but if you have games in the basement then it is pretty awesome" - Hank on Pinball Pete's Arcade

Today Hank said he wanted to go to Gotham City and meet Batman. I wondered what he would ask Batman if they ever met and Hank said "I would ask Batman if he could get me a Superman costume." ... I wonder how Batman would feel about that

Hank's last words before falling asleep on his birthday: "Dad, I like being 4"

Tonight before bed Hank wanted to hear a story about Batman and Robin getting married. The biggest issue I had was determining whether The Flash would prefer to sit on the bride's side or the groom's side.

Playing rhyming games on the highway:
Zac - "What rhymes with Hummer?"
Hank - "Dumber!"
Zac - "Correct. I would have also accepted 'Bummer'"

Hank looking at three Jack-O-Lantern stickers:
"Mom, you're the skinny one, I'm the round one and Dad, you're the ... kinda ugly one."
Me: "I'm going back to bed."

Hank - "Mom, why is Darth Vader so much taller than Anakin Skywalker?"
Parents - "...Holy crap, that's a really good question."

Tonight Hank invented a new super hero: Sticky Applesauce Man! "He is a good guy who shoots applesauce out of his hands and is sticky!" (This whole origin story was played out with very accurate visual aids.) Into the tub with you, Sticky Applesauce Man!

Whenever we get out of the car I say "OK let's hit it." Yesterday, Hank was practicing talking like Yoda and as we were leaving the car he said "Hit it, we will"

"Dad, I think it's too cold to go outside today. That's my boring news." - Hank

Hank sez: "Today when I went outside I was so crazy that I shook my head like this and my eyes went like this and my brain made it look like milk was raining from the sky."